


Erin Quinn's Address to Viewers of Derry Girls

by Sitcom_Fan



Category: Derry Girls (TV)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, F/M, Monologue, Secret Crush, freaking out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26916697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sitcom_Fan/pseuds/Sitcom_Fan
Summary: Erin needs to talk about something that's bothering her. With no one to turn to, she decides to resort to drastic measures.
Relationships: James Maguire/Erin Quinn
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Erin Quinn's Address to Viewers of Derry Girls

**Author's Note:**

> Another silly little fic for you all! I just thought the idea of Erin seeing James with stubble and freaking out was funny.
> 
> I originally conceived this as a stand-alone fic, but it fits in with my "An Entanglement of Identities" work. Richard is an OC in that fic. I wasn't sure what form to write this as so I decided to write a monologue where Erin breaks the fourth wall. This is partly inspired by the sitcom, Miranda, which uses the technique extensively.
> 
> Enjoy!

Ok, calm yourself, Erin. You need to be in a clear frame of mind to articulate your thoughts. Nothing good ever came from a muddled and unsound mind. Well, I don’t know if that’s true but all the same, it’s essential to keep calm. Ok, now breathe and count to ten. Ok, now begin.

So, Derry Girls fans, you know me as Erin Quinn, the lead character in the show. Now, I need to get something off my chest so please sit back and listen. And grab yourselves a cup of tea, because this is serious!

Anyway, previously in my life, Bill Clinton came to Derry to give a speech and my, wasn’t that a momentous occasion. Oh feck, I sound like Jane Austen. Got nothing against Jane Austen, but I like my writing to be raw and messy, not genteel and fancy. I’m from Derry, in the north-west of Ireland, not Hampshire, in the south-east of England. I’ve never been to Hampshire but according to James, it’s mostly inhabited by posh, wealthy English people so not remotely like Derry. Not at all.

Anyway, speaking of James, I really need to talk to you viewers about him. This is serious. As you all know, James, our resident wee English fella almost left. Yes, you saw me shudder. Christ, I think I’m gonna need therapy. But luckily, the wee fella saw sense and stayed in Derry and he also celebrated that he’s an honorary Derry Girl. Bless the wee fecker. That was such an auspicious day. Bill Clinton gave us hope that peace may be on the horizon after so many years of violence. I mean, we won’t suddenly start inviting Prod families round for dinner but we have to start somewhere.

So, James spent the second week of the Christmas break with his ma in London and therefore, I hadn’t seen him for about ten days until today, which was the first day of term. In case you’re wondering, yes, Aunt Sarah did indeed think it was still the holidays. When I saw James, I noticed something a little different about him. He had stubble. Yes, stubble! Now, I was a bit wary of James when I first met him, because, well...look, do I really need to explain? You should all know how I tick by now! But on the plus side, James being English and Michelle’s cousin makes things simpler because that automatically rules him out as a potential suitor. Suitor? God, I’ve definitely been reading too much Jane Austen and it’s corrupting my mind. But the point is nothing would ever happen between me and James for the reasons just outlined. Well, that’s what I thought, anyway.

I asked James what the stubble was in aid of. He said that his friend Richard suggested it as a way of looking more rugged, Now, if I ever meet this Richard character I am gonna have some stern words with him. Now, I know that sounds melodramatic but you know that’s part and parcel of who I am. Or you should anyway. James isn’t supposed to be rugged. Feck no! His job is to be an endearingly dopey English fella and just be there for us and provide a counterbalance to our craziness and that is a job he does very well. It is not his job to be a ride and make me weak in the knees but he does wear that stubble well and I’m starting to see him in a different light.

No! I cannot see him in that way. It’s hard enough being a teenage girl in Derry because my life is surrounded by trouble: not just the political troubles but my own personal troubles. If you’re watching this, Miss de Brun, that was not a weak analogy - not that your opinion matters to me at all! I admit that staying away from trouble is difficult when you’re friends with Michelle and I won’t deny that I don’t help on that score. Clare does try to stop us getting into trouble but she’s always overruled by me and Michelle and Orla, as my mammy rightly said, is very easily led. Oh, that rhymes. That’s quite satisfying.

As for James, he brings me another type of troubles altogether. Not that he knows it. I couldn’t just let him sleep with Katya. He deserves better than to be taken pity of. I do not doubt that when he eventually returns to England, he’ll have girls queuing up to go out with him. The English love standing in a queue. Apparently at Wimbledon, they issue guides to queuing. Can you imagine that? Seriously! That night he took me to the prom, my internal organs were practically Morris dancing! I blame James for me using an old English custom as a metaphor! But he was just doing me a favour so I’ve no idea why I had butterflies in my stomach that whole night. Let’s also not forget the day he almost left of which the mere thought makes me shudder - sorry, channelling Jane Austen again. 

So after all that, the wee fecker has the cheek to turn up in stubble that not only suits him but really accentuates his cracker cheekbones and strong jawline...Oh feck, I’m falling for him aren’t I? By Christ, I’m fucked!


End file.
